Triggering a feedback loop

Asking others for feedback can be dangerous.

Especially if you’re asking for feedback on a book you wrote, a creative endeavor, or something personal.

You might even say: “Don’t hold back. I can take it.”

Then what happens when they don’t hold back? Can you really take it?

In 2019, Harvard Business Review posted an article called The Feedback Fallacy. It’s very much worth the read.

The gist:

More often than not, the feedback you get on your work is a reflection of the qualities of the person giving you feedback, and not actually about your work.

Also, criticism can trigger the fight-or-flight response in the one receiving the feedback. EVEN (or maybe especially) in those who say they can “take it.”

Neither are outcomes the requester was hoping for.

Even if both sides have the best intentions.

Even if the one asking for feedback sets up parameters for the type of feedback they’re looking for.

You operate from a place of power when you set your boundaries. You may not control others’ responses, but you can control how you respond to them.

HBR: “We excel ONLY when people who know us and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel, and in particular when they see something within us that really works.”

With your writing, ground yourself in the power of your truth and your message. Know what is important to you and what is not. Trust yourself first. Work on your book as much as you can using the writing craft tools available to you before going to a book coach, book editor, or other professional.

When you do reach out, find someone who can get on the same page as you, understand the nuance of what you’re attempting to achieve, and can dig deep rather than provide knee-jerk reactions.

Then brace yourself. With a good, trusted advisor, you might actually receive not just the feedback you wanted, but needed.

Need help? Let’s chat.